We all travel to distant cities. We make reservations at hotels and motels that we have never seen. Sometimes we just take the “word” of a friend about great hotels and motels with exceptionally low rates and reserve a room in the interest of saving money. That doesn’t always work out too well.
Here are the top 10 ways that you can tell pretty quickly that you aren’t in a five-star hotel:
1. The “complimentary” newspaper tells you that President Kennedy has been assassinated.
2. The mint on the pillow starts crawling away when you get close to it.
3. The “magic fingers vibration” is supplied by giving a quarter to the town drunk.
4. There is still some of that yellow tape that they put around crime scenes that is stuck to the door facing.
5. The pictures are covering bullet holes a LOT of bullet holes.
6. You have to wait until the guy next door is through with the towel so you can use it.
7. There’s a chalk outline of a body in the bed when you turn back the covers.
8. The desk clerk tells you just to move the body if you need ice.
9. The only TV station you can get is a porno channel with Roseanne on it.
10. Your wake-up call is delivered by a police helicopter hovering overhead.
Just remember to keep your priorities straight like this elderly woman traveler:
She was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight with both hands so that it would not blow away in the wind.
An elderly gentleman approached her and said, “Pardon me, madam. I don’t intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up?”
“Yes, I know that,” said the old lady, “but I need both my hands to hold onto this hat.”
“Madam,” replied the older gentleman, “you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your private parts are exposed!”
The woman looked the older gentleman in the eye and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!”
The Funny Side of Travel
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